Every year before our season ends we have our faculty fill out evaluation forms on each student that they teach. From those evaluation forms we fill out recommendation forms that are sent out to each parent before we start our Fall registrations. We keep a copy of each childs form at our front desk so that every staff member who is working there and accepting new registrations can compare our recommendations to what the parent or child wants to register for. We have found that this makes it so much easier to put the students into the correct classes for them.
Having distinct levels in each type of dance for each age group is helpful as it makes it clearer to parents. Of course, they often confuse school grades with dance grades. Using a syllabus for each type of dance is helpful also as this gives a very straightforward measure of what the student needs to know before moving up a level. Invariably there is a pushy parent who wants their child to progress much faster than they should be. How many times have I heard, My child knows everything and is bored at that level?Only to discover that the child has limited knowledge and is definitely not ready to move up. Sometimes parents dont seem to understand that it just doesnt help their child to be pushed ahead with only superficial knowledge. I usually start by meeting with the parent and finding out exactly what they had in mind. If there is a large discrepancy between what they want and what we feel is most beneficial for the child, I go over our recommendations and explain carefully to them why they were recommended to stay in that particular level.
As a general rule we keep children two years in each level unless they are exceptionally talented. Sometimes the parent will listen and accept the reasons behind the recommendation and at other times they will insist further. Pushy Parents: Pushing BackGently I have found that a really good way to show the parent that the child needs additional time is to invite them in to do a little test on the content of the syllabus with the teacher involved. The parent will sit and watch as the teacher asks the child to do a few different steps. It can be eye-opening when they see that, despite the fact that perhaps their child has told them that they know everything, the child is struggling or not understanding the technique. Obviously this little test should not be very long (or embarrassing), but it is helpful to let the parents see for themselves that it would benefit their child to become proficient at the level they are in before moving on. It needs to be handled in a kind and supportive way so that the child also understands how it is going to benefit her to really learn. The majority of cases involving a pushy parent are a result of the parent living vicariously through their child. Perhaps they wanted to be a dancer or a star and never accomplished it so they push their children to be what they are not. Unfortunately in most cases there is inevitably an issue with the child also as they constantly hear from their parents how talented they are and what star quality they possess and how they are being held back. It is unfortunate because very often the child really suffers in the endonce they stop having the ability to absorb corrections and continue to learn it is downhill from there on. Having rules does help with class placement as, if there is a precedent, it makes it much easier to help parents understand that, just as in a regular school students do not advance to the next level until they know the content of the current one. If a parent is pushy and wants their child to progress faster, then I explain to them that it involves an investment on their part and the part of the student of time and money.
A student can only progress if they are given sufficient tools to do so and then it is up to them to practice and apply the positive corrections that are given to them by their teacher. Dance, as we know, is not something that is quick or easy to learn and only gets better when given enough time and dedication. Sometimes parents get very pushy when they hear from their child or see for themselves that the child is not featured in a performance or somehow always ends up in the back line. They will ask you why their child is not given a better position. Along with this issue jealousy rears its ugly head as the parent compares her child with another. You cannot really come out with what your inner voice is sayingthat unfortunately their child is not particularly talented or never applies himself! What works better is to explain that their child is still working on building self-confidence in order to be able to step out and handle a featured spot. As far as being in the back line goes, if there is any way that you can structure the choreography so that each child is in the front and seen at some time in the number or during class, it is a good idea as it certainly cuts down on those kinds of problems. Not every child is really able to handle a solo or even a featured spot without it causing them to feel afraid or apprehensive. I tell my parents who have questions about this subject that it is more important to be able to work in a group setting and that eventually the childs self-esteem can build sufficiently for them to be able to take that next step with confidence.
Pushy Parents: Out Of Alternatives One of my favorites is when a pushy parent comes to discuss my choreography with me. When I say discuss, I mean critique or make suggestions as to how they think it should be. I have only one reply to them and that is simply, I do not discuss choreography with any parent at any time. This is one area where there is no leeway. My creativity, ideas, choice of music and decisions about which dancers I am going to use for any piece is not up for discussion. As choreographers we need to have complete freedom and artistic license to create pieces for our students that are tasteful and that show their talents in the best way possible. As studio owners and teachers we know that we have a responsibility to protect the students from anything that is inappropriate for them. Sometimes a parent can become belligerent if they do not get their way. I always try to talk to them in a very calm and reassuring manner, explaining that there would be absolutely no reason for us to hold any child back. If, after all efforts on my part, I have failed and there is absolutely no way to have a meeting of the minds, I will recommend that they go to a different studio. In my experience, a customer who is not happy and does not trust your professional judgment is not a good customer to have. It is never easy to suggest that someone leaves, but the loss of one person is better than losing a number of clients because they are being poisoned by the words of a parent who is only interested in getting their way, regardless of how it affects their child.
As a final note I feel that the best answer to any pushy parent is to let them know that in order for you to train their child successfully it is necessary for them to trust your knowledge and professional advice. If they do not feel that they do, then it is important for them to find another place for their child to take dance.
