Sometimes dance teachers must also be part mentor and part psychologist.
Every studio owner will at one time or another need to deal with student issues, especially as they concern teenagers. With the use today of Facebook and You Tube and because almost every teenager has a cell phone that they continually use to send text messages, the door is wide open for some drama to take place among your students. What used to simply amount to an argument or an issue of jealousy that was relatively easy to fix now becomes a major wildfire that can rage out of control because of all the avenues available to your normal teen to publicize the problem.
Recently we had a situation where two of our company members were constantly antagonizing each other. There was name calling, nasty messages left on cell phones and malicious postings on Facebook, negative texting between all of their friends and constant bad vibes sent out. All of this was brought to my attention when I noticed tears and saw unhappy faces in class. I approached one of our senior company members in an effort to get to the bottom of it all and she gave me some idea of what was going on. Normally I do not like to interfere in situations that mainly happen out of the studio as it really does go beyond our jurisdiction. But because it was obviously affecting these students’ work at the studio and since one of them came to me crying hysterically and obviously at a loss as to how to deal with the problem, I decided to try to help these girls fix their tiff.
One of the things that I love about dance training is that through it so many life skills can be both taught and learned. Coping skills are high on the list and sadly lacking in the day-to-day lives of most children. Dancers learn not only how to dance, but also how to cope with situations where they have to make almost instant decisions, how to plan things out and how to collaborate with others. Because dancers are always emotionally involved with what they do, they often find it difficult to differentiate between their artistic ego and their everyday ego.
I decided to get my two students together to sit down with me and try to find a workable solution to the problem that was already out of control. I set the ground rules and explained to them that I was the facilitator and that each student would have the opportunity to tell their side of the story, but that the other one must respect that and sit and listen until it was their turn. I also explained to them that I would need to ask each of them some questions in order that I might have a better understanding of the situation. All was agreed upon, surprisingly! I knew that I was dealing with two over-emotional young teens who, as they put it, hated each other.
Of course, it wasn’t long before they were shouting at one another, totally forgetting the ground rules! I had to step in to establish order once more and I asked them why they felt so strongly about this situation. One admitted to being extremely jealous of the other’s talent and the other girl was jealous of the fact that her peer’s family was wealthy and hers was not. It was important that they actually came out and verbalized these feelings of jealousy toward each other as at least it brought it out in the open and was the first step in understanding why they felt so threatened by each other. I impressed upon both of them that they were lovely dancers with their own uniqueness, that they were both valuable to the studio and that they were their own person regardless of how much money they did or didn’t have. They needed to know that unless they were able to decide to respect one another and move forward and be able to work together in a positive manner, then it was probably better for them to go their separate ways and have nothing to do with each other.
After some discussion, these two dancers decided that they would really like to be friends and be able to appreciate each other as dancers and people. It was clear to them that they needed to be sensitive to one another’s issues and to try not to put emphasis on the things that obviously bothered them. I suggested that in order to make this friendship work they both should sit down with their parents and a group of friends and let them know what they had decided. It was important that any feelings of antagonism or anger would not continue between their extended circles. We agreed that, at least for the time being, we would meet briefly each week to iron out any difficulties with this adjustment.
I was happy with the resolution of this problem. It did take some time out of my day to help them sort it out, but it was definitely worth it as I now have two dancers who are much more focused and easy to work with. The feeling of negativity in their classes has disappeared and when I see these two young teens laughing and talking as friends, I am glad that I decided to step in to help them understand each other. As I explained to them, life is just too short to constantly be at each other’s necks!
This is just another example of how studio owners often find themselves in the position of being psychologist and mentor apart from dance teacher. So often we see these children more than their parents do because of their hectic lifestyles. I know that we all feel such responsibility toward our students at one time or another. I am thankful that these girls did actually listen to me and that I was able to reinforce the positive by reaching out to them and helping them to use their coping skills, something that will be useful to them on whatever path they choose to go down in the future.
